I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
