I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
