Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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