I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
