Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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