Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
