how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
