Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
