were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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