Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
