yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
