Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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