And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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