piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
