saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im holly from the hills drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
