Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want a musical about memes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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