he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
