Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
