There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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