I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
