How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
