my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
