if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
