Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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