just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
