i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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