Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
