i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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