Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Now it won't go down.

(512): View more from Texas

You've got a gift.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think I took your hangover as a birthday present

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(609): View more from New Jersey

How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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(917): View more from New York City

i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

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(816): View more from Missouri

I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.

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(631): View more from New York

I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry

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