after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
