ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
