i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
