We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
