i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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