Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
