Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
