Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
