So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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