so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
