If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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