I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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