Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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