would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
