Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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