Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
porn star boner night. come get it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
