If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
