she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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