omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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