JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
