just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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