i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
