I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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